SMIDGIE MIRACLES

Wow it's been a while my peeps!! So much has happened and continues to happen all in this first year without Superman. Interesting, different, ups and downs. A LOT of downs...However, if there is one constant in this life, it is my beautiful church, family, friends, and neighbors who lift me up. Ultimately, it is MY decision to be the best me, and man can that be a challenge!! My testimony continues to grow even though sometimes I continue to be kicked right in the kidneys as I am down, the little miracles that follow are just precious life saving amazing things that keep me going. I am so grateful for the strength of others, the ones who have come before me, and the ones I try to help that are going through it now...DIVORCE. What a crazy sad amazing adventure! You think you know who you are, what to do, how to do it, and quickly I have realized that "time" is all I need. I want so badly to have someone with me at night, to listen to me about my day, to tickle my back, to rub my feet (yes I am selfish). I LOVE pillow talk, with my partner. It's those little things that I miss so much it hurts. Also, as time is needed, it is also something that brings things out of the woodwork that you didn't see before. It can kill you...ANALYZING. I try too hard to be the "tough" woman, the one who can do this, and do it with a smile on my face. The one who keeps it all together, and who will find someone amazing quickly. I need to remember, that is just not reality. I can cry, I can curse Superman's name. I can be sad, and on my couch eating ice cream. I can. It is okay. It is human, normal. It's hard to remember how to be human or normal, since I honestly have never been what you would call "normal". LOL! I can't even begin to describe the smidgie miracles that happen to me on a daily basis. One day I was crying SO HARD I thought I might die. I was on my knees for most of that day, asking for help. Not an hour later, my beautiful Bishop Budge happened to "just know" to contact me, and let me know he was thinking of me. I told him about my very difficult day, and that most of it was spent on my knees, and he said "Let that be a reminder of how much our Savior loves you". I want to express my love to those of you who don't quite know what to say to me, as I see it in your eyes as you look at me, that you hope I am okay. Please KNOW I feel your love, and your prayers have helped, and continue to help. I LOVE all of you!!! I am healing, but, continue to need TIME...I HATE time. More so I hate patience, but we are becoming fast friends. I will get better with my posts, and soon, my friends, will have some sort of amazing news for you...when one door closes, another one opens.